Top Ten Reasons I will not ever be elected to any public office in the United States

  1. I have worn my hair longer than my own mother’s for over 10 years and do not intend to change it for any reason other than my personal aesthetics
  2. I think the United Nations and World Health Organization should be gaining, not losing influence
  3. I feel that qualified, informed, expert opinion is more important than the popular vote when it comes to decision making
  4. I have no difficulty saying in public that the Abrahamic deity is imaginary, and feel no particular urge to pander to people who think teh bible is more useful than the Constitution
  5. I actually care about the rights of individuals, which rights begin when a human becomes capable of suffering and end where the rights of others begin
  6. I think the only applicable legal definition of “marriage” should be “a long term agreement between two consenting individual adults”
  7. I tell the honest truth about my sexuality to anyone who cares enough to ask, because it is mine to discuss and be frank about
  8. I think it more useful to quote Hitler and Stalin more often than Jesus at any occasion, if only to start a good argument, e.g. “What luck for rulers that men do not think/The public, which is mostly stupid and has a very short memory, is not capable of recognizing the real instigator of the quarrel in the midst of the turmoil that has been raised.” or “History shows that there are no invincible armies and that there never have been”, respectively, would start a more useful political discussion than “I am the way, the truth, and the light”
  9. I can admit on camera to having committed each of the seven deadly sins, uttered every kind of blasphemy I can think of (and survived), and broken all of the ten commandments (depending on how you interpret “thou shalt not kill” of course) without apologizing
  10. Nude photographs exist of me on teh internet, and I’m not taking them down

[Edit: funniest thing ever! This afternoon I had a dream that Ben Stein approached me in person and told me that he thought I should run for Congress for the Republican Party. I spent the rest of the dream trying to decide if I really wanted to do it or not. You tend to be really suggestible in dreams, kind of like how some people will believe anything while they’re awake]


3 thoughts on “Top Ten Reasons I will not ever be elected to any public office in the United States

  1. To think I would have voted for you! It would have been the first time in years it would have been for someone and not against someone else. Sad admission, true, but a compliment none the less.

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